I’m Exactly Who I’ve Wanted to be

It hit me today as I was walking around the mall, I am the person who I have envied all these years. All the years I was waiting for my husband to be “ready” to have a baby, the year it took us to get pregnant the first time, the 9 months we waited for him, then trying again and our pregnancy with Michaela. I’m now the mom in the mall so in love with this new little being, pushing her baby with pride, and loving life! I am a mom (to a living child, I must add)!

Now, that’s not to say everything is all roses and butterflies. Not every moment of every day is amazing. Being a parent is hard work!

Why didn’t anyone tell me how time consuming it is?!? I mean, I knew babies are helpless and rely on you for everything, but I didn’t realize that meant every single second of the day. Sometimes she won’t let me put her down. Or even the simple act of changing a diaper can turn into a 20 minute task once she pees on you, then once you’ve cleaned that up, she decides it’s time to poop, and once that’s clean, she spits up on the outfit you just put her in. I’m not kidding, this happens 5 of the 7 days of the week…if not more. But I love it and it makes me laugh!

I am a mom!! Yes, I believe I became a mom when I got pregnant with Joshua. I’m not just a mom because I have a living child now, I was a mom before this.

I knew I wanted to be a mom from the time I was little. I always said that I was born to be a mom and I still truly believe that. My path to motherhood wasn’t smooth, as I imagine my journey as a mom won’t always be smooth. There will be ebbs and flows. But Michaela is my pride and joy. She’s what makes my heart tick. I never knew how amazing it could be.

I may not be what you see on TV or what people may expect me to be as a new mom but the beauty is that I don’t care. I don’t care that my house has never been messier. I don’t care about my belly and when it’ll shrink or even if it’ll shrink down to its normal size. I don’t care if I’m going the speed limit and the car behind me is annoyed about it. I don’t care that I sit in spit up clothes all day long and my pjs are soaked in milk when I wake up at night to feed her. I don’t care that I’m tired and most times can’t nap when she naps because I’m too enthralled by her beauty. It no longer matters to me that I’m late to things because it took me 30 minutes longer to leave the house than usual.

Today in my New Mom’s Class, the leader asked, “what do you need to do to be you or decompress?” She wanted a response like, “10 minutes alone each day” or “an evening out with friends”. And when I thought about it, it was what I do each day. Be a mom. Take care of my baby. That’s what makes me the happiest. That’s who I am! I am finally the person who I’ve worked incredibly hard to be these last three years.

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