What a Different (and Amazing) World

I type this on my phone with a sleeping baby in my arms. Michaela is the sweetest and most adorable thing I’ve laid eyes on. She fills my once broken heart. I have so much love for this little being!

I feel I’ve been absent from my blog. Quite honestly, I don’t like putting her down. I can barely get anything done around the house. My house has never been messier which, to my surprise, doesn’t bother my Type A personality because I’m so preoccupied with this little girl.

Michaela is so loved. I stare at her most of the day and she may just grow up with a complex since I tell her how beautiful she is all day long.

I miss Joshua! I love him so much and wish he was here. But I know Michaela wouldn’t be here if he was (we clearly wouldn’t have been trying again if we had a 4 month old at home). I wish they were both here with us. I wish I could watch both of them grow up. I know I will see Joshua again. I believe in God and Heaven and know he’ll be waiting for us one day when we get to Heaven. It makes death a little less scary to me.

Michaela will know about Joshua. She’ll know she has a big brother who is watching over her.

Being a mom to a living child is amazing and so different than mothering a child who’s gone to Heaven. I love them the same. Instead of looking at a photo and crying because I miss Joshua, I look at a baby and cry because I have so much love for this little being and am so grateful she’s alive and healthy. I’m so overwhelmed with love for her and know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful daughter.

Michaela and Joshua have their own looks but you can tell they are siblings. They have the same eyes and nose. She seems to look more and more like Joshua as she gets older. I couldn’t see much similarity when she was first born which kind of disappointed me. I wanted one thing to look the same. But I see it more now. She’s unique in her own way but I’m loving seeing my baby boy in her.

I’m so thankful that God has blessed us with a perfect little girl and boy. I’m happy Michaela is healthy and here with us!


She’s here!!

She’s alive, breathing, and beautiful!! She came out screaming and didn’t stop until she was on skin to skin, which is what I had been praying for. We are elated!!!