God is so good! Even throughout the pain and struggle of losing a child, He is good.
On Sunday we were sitting in church and I felt God speaking to me. The pastor was praying, “Thank you God, that we are alive.” Immediate the baby gave me a big kick. I felt like God was telling me she’s alive, she’ll be okay, you don’t have to worry anymore.
The pastor went on to pray about joy and again the baby kicked. A nice little reminder that I need to feel joy in this pregnancy. God has so much joy in us and our baby, God has so much joy to give, and we have so much joy in God and His goodness.
After church we attended the new member lunch. After 6 years of attending our church, we felt it was time to finally go through the classes to become a member (slackers, I know). During the lunch, the lead pastor went around the room and had people introduce themselves. To my surprise, many had been attending longer than we had! Once they said a little about themselves, the pastor read a verse for everyone. My verse was Psalm 27:1:
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I fear?”
You’re right, God,
whom what shall I fear? I shouldn’t fear her birth, I should fear of her death. She’s alive!!!! She’s my joy!! There is nothing to fear when I trust in God. I need to trust He will provide. He provided an abundant, albeit short, life for Joshua. But he was my joy for that short time and he will always be a source of my joy. And this little girl growing inside of me is also my joy. God will provide a full life for her, one where I should not fear how short it may be. She is alive and she is our joy!