Crazy Train Has Arrived

18 weeks now!  Almost half way there!  The baby has been moving a ton!  It’s so comforting to be able to feel the baby move.  Before the movement started, I would hold my breath when we went to the doctor hoping the heartbeat was still there.  Now that I can feel movement, it’s a nice reminder that the baby is still alive and kicking.  I simply cannot wait until December to come.  Then I want my world to stop so I can soak in every ounce of our baby.

I’ve officially gone shopping crazy!  I told myself I wouldn’t buy anything more until we found out the gender…3 more weeks!!!  But then I went on the Gap’s website and they are having a phenomenal sale on baby items.  Onesies for $2.00, yes please!  I bought both boy and girl items.  27 items in all for $99.  I couldn’t pass it up.  I’m going to keep everything tucked away until 3 weeks from now when we find out if we are having a boy or girl.  Then I’ll return what we will not need.  Now I seriously need to stop shopping!  Take away my credit cards!

On a less positive crazy note, I’m feeling so overprotective of myself and my child.  Understandably so, considering what life has thrown at us.  I want to do everything in my power to bring home a living, healthy baby!  I don’t know if it’s the “first time mom” instinct….as if I can use that term.  I’m not a first time mom.  I’m a second time mom, but I have all those first time mom fears and quite possibly more!

Last night we were with my husband’s parents for dinner.  My mother-in-law asked if we were going to travel with them after Christmas.  They go to their vacation home every year after Christmas and spend New Year’s there.  We’ve gone with them here and there, but not consistently.  I told her that if the baby come as scheduled, which is December 1st as of now, that we wouldn’t be able to come.  Per the pediatrician, babies should avoid planes for the first 4 weeks.  She got defensive and wouldn’t look straight at me (which she always does when she doesn’t agree with me).  “Your husband was on a plane when he was 2 weeks old.”  I looked at her and said, “Well, a lot has changed since then.  That’s what the pediatrician recommended.  And I’m not taking any chances with this baby.”  People may not agree with me and that’s okay!  Each person should parent how they wish; that’s the beauty of it.  For me, I’m playing by the rules.  I don’t want to take chances.  If we went on the plane, likely everything would be fine, I get that.  But what if it wasn’t.  What if the baby got really sick because of something I chose to do out of selfishness or because I felt pressured to do it?

I was talking to my mom a few months back about our family Christmas party.  We typically have one a couple weeks into December.  I told her how nervous I was to potentially have a 2 week old baby with 30+ people around wanting to hold him or her.  And being December, half of them will be sick.  I told her how I don’t want to be the person who says, “Stop, don’t touch until you wash your hands.”  But I will be that person.  I want to be able to protect my baby from illnesses at such a young age.  When we were having the conversation, my mom looked at me like I was being a little silly.  A touch crazy.  But then again, she didn’t go in public with me the first 6 weeks because that’s what her doctor recommended.  The next day she came to me and said to me, “Christina, I understand what you’re saying and if you feel you’re not up to going to the Christmas party, that’s okay.”  Ahh, that made me feel good.  Not that I needed her permission, not that I’m planning to not attend, but it felt good that she understood where my fears were coming from and didn’t judge me for whatever decision we made for our family.

Now, December might roll around and I may be totally unlike what my fears have made me think I’ll be like.  I may be that relaxed mom who passes her kid around to everyone just to get some time alone, or to be able to drink a glass of wine!  But, I might not be.  I might be neurotic and overprotective for who knows how long!  I’m hoping I can find an easy balance where I can protect my children yet let them experience all the joys this life can bring!  I’m excited to see what the next few months bring and once December rolls around (it can’t come fast enough) I’m excited to see what kind of parent I will be to a living child!

 

 

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