While I was preparing for Joshua to arrive, I would go into his room, open the cabinet and the closet and stare. Then rearrange. I think I rearranged the cabinet and closet more times than I could count. When he passed, I did the same thing. I put the things I didn’t need right now on higher shelves. I put the diapers away that I had opened in preparation for a newborn. I returned everything I had bought myself along with a few gifts (unopened diapers, pack n play, extra car seat base, breast pump, monitor, bath time items, and some books). I wanted everything out that I could. I’m glad it was only big things like those that I can re-purchase easily. Things that might be a new style by the time our next baby would arrive. Things I can even purchase after the next baby would arrive. I have everything I need for a newborn.
It makes me happy to look at those items we purchased for Joshua. They remind me of how happy I was to become a family of 3 (5 if you include our dogs). The little clothes I bought for him and were given to us bring back happy memories. In the beginning, I closed the door and didn’t want to look in his room. I wanted to move out of our house, out of the state, and start a new life. Today I’m happy to look at Joshua’s belongings. His things remind me of happy days and of hope I have for that happiness in another baby. Not one that will replace Joshua (because no one could), but one that will fill our family and fill a void I have in my heart and arms.
After a couple weeks, I was able to open the door to his nursery again. His room looked empty. Nothing on the walls, no baby, no crying, no mess for me to leave for days because I’m too tired and busy with a newborn. I made it a point to complete the nursery. I put up pictures of Joshua and the Joshua 1:9 verse that my husband gave to me for Christmas. I painted the bookshelf that we were using in another room, and put it in place. I purchased little stand to place by the rocking chair. Even though I knew I wouldn’t need this room for another 9+ months, however long it took for God to bless us with another baby, it was comforting completing his room.
Here is a photo of Joshua’s room. The room that our dogs still like to hang out in. We like to think they know Joshua is still here with us, even though he never spent time in that room outside the womb. This photo was taken on a very sunny day, by my phone, so not the best of quality. And yes, there are stuffed animals in the bed to make it seem less empty. By the time baby # 2 decides to come, those will be gone.