Last night I stood by the side of my bed before hopping in and decided my dry hands needed lotion. I got the lotion out of the nightstand drawer and put a dollop on my hand. While I slathered on my lotion, I looked at the Jesus Calling devotional sitting on the nightstand that was given to us after Joshua died. I prayed, Lord, please guide me to open this devotional to a page where I can feel the words speaking to me. Now, I really wanted this. So many times I’ve prayed this same prayer and opened a devotional or the Bible to a random page and find nothing that relates to my current state.
Last night was different.
God orchestrates the events of my life with a purpose in mind. I know with certainty that Joshua’s life – and death – has a purpose. One I may never fully know until I’m reunited with God and Joshua in Heaven. God “orchestrates” my life, as in a beautiful symphony. Joshua life was perfect. It touches my life in so many ways, even though his beautiful song was one only lived inside of me.
When I encounter a rough patch, God’s light is still shining. Oh boy have I encountered a rough patch in my life! Yes, my life is bumpy right now. Up, down, left, right. I don’t know where I’m going. What I do know is that without God, I would be going no where. During my sadness, I don’t always feel God’s presence. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to feel Him. Maybe it’s because life gets in the way. Maybe it’s because grief clouds my vision. He is there. Countless times I’ve cried out, “Why me, God? Why Joshua? Where are You, God? Why can’t I feel You? I’m sad and feel alone, where are You now? I need You.”
“But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29
God is with us every day, every second, every moment of our life! Watching us, seeking us, loving us – waiting for us to do the same for Him.
When you don’t feel God, know He is still there. He is still beautifully and carefully orchestrating your life. I see God as the conductor of life’s orchestra, directing us along the paths we are destined to be on and when we follow His lead, the result is exquisite.